My Girl

Story was really amazing.... Even after knowing that she won't be no more still he loved her....it was really a such a fabulous story (Conversion type)I loved very much. Thank you sir for your great work!

The storyline is quite gripping. The dialogues of ‘me’ were visibly griefing and melancholic, which is great, you were able to portray the emotions of a character without using expression brackets e.g [Furiously nodded his head]. But there were a few faults i could notice in this short read. First, the ‘friend’s’ reaction to her death was too bland, it sounded like regular conversation. It felt like the ‘friend’ was just listening to him only for the sake of listening. That wasn’t right. When you’re writing a piece of short fiction you need to pay heed to all the characters no matter if they’re major, supporting or minor ones. The emotion throughout should be thoroughly balanced. You should have added atleast- “I’m so sorry for your loss, how... how d-did it happen?”. Second the story began without a context, you jumped straight to the body. Nobody tells their griefs at the very first instance of meeting their friend after a long time. Third there are very frequent use of some words such as “nope”. This is very annoying to the reader. Try as much as you can to explore your vocabulary. Use words such as “nah” “na-ah” “no” unfortunately not” “actually no/not” instead. Oh and there was another very tiny mistake, you used an “u” instead of “you” in the penultimate page. Remember usage of internet abbreviations is a strict no-no. And that’s all the mistakes I could find, the tenses were on point, no spellings messed up, well flowing storyline. Overall a good short read. Thank you, stay safe. :D Sincerely hoping for a reply...

that was really heart breaking. u kept readers in full excitement and confusion.. what a narration boss really good